cursed. For some unknown reason I'm forced to endure many random acts of stupidity. Its like there is a sign on my for head that says, "Hey! If you're weird and unpleasant please come talk to me. Its fucking ridiculous. Some would assume that I'm overly judgmental, and that is just not the case here. Live a day in my shoes and an inevitable "What the fuck?" moment will occur. Even my best friend "Barb" would agree. Barb has been a best friend of mine for well over a decade. She is probably one of the nicest people I have ever met in my entire life. She is a ray of fucking sunshine. Her nickname is snuggles for Christ sake. Anyway, Barb is pretty much awesome. She has always been a form of balance in my stupid life. I generally like getting Barbs advice because she brings a whole new prospective to my situations. A nicer prospective. What I'm trying to get at is, if I can make Barb say "what the fuck?" I'm validated. Here are some examples of the shit I have to put up with.
"The Ugly Rude Guy"
This evil moron sucks at life. On night me and my friend Audry were gallivanting about town. We arrived at our first establishment of the evening. This place was overly crowded, so we had to push our way over to the ladies restroom. And so I meet the ugly rude guy. This idiot walks right up to my face and stops me dead in my tracks. Mind you I have never seen this fucking retard in my entire life. He gives me this creepy stare and begins to verbally rape me. He proceeds to say that I am too tan, my hair is too long, and I'm basically a breathing piece of plastic. What a fucking ass hole. Before I am able to get a word in edge wise, Audry jumps in. Audry is a feisty animal so don't you dare talk shit about her friends. She will fuck you up. So Audry begins her verbal assault. At this point I am pissing my pants from laughing so hard. One of her memorable comments will stick with me forever. "What did you say? I'm sorry, I don't speak douche bag airmen!" We still use it til this day. Yea, the guy was an early 20s airmen who was married. What was this guys fucking damage? Look, I'm sorry you're unattractive and were probably cursed with a gnome penis, but that gives you no right to be a disgusting creep. By the way ass hat, tell your friends thank you for the free shots!
"The Hopeless Fool"
This dude was off of his fucking rocker. I'm still mildly concerned about his mental health. So, after a long stressful day at work I meet my friend "Shelly" for some dinner. Shelly shares the same distaste as I do for random acts of weirdness. Both of us are sitting there minding our own business when all of a sudden, here stands, the hopeless fool. This guy was a sloppy mess. As I was sitting there in agony from the sight of his jiggly moobs(man boobs), He starts to slur out his ridiculous nonsense. So He starts staring right at me with his dilated pupils, as if I'm not already creeped out enough, he starts his pickup line. "Soooo, you guys know about the weapons of mass destruction Bush is trying to find?" You have got to be fucking kidding me! What is wrong with this joke. I look at Shelly, we both are in disbelief at what was just said. So I reply. "Bush is no longer president you moron." He replies, "Yea well you know the weapons he WAS trying to find?" again I look at Shelly, roll my eyes and say, "What?" At this point I was trying to get to the gist of his nonsense so he would get the fuck away from me. So again, he looks at me and says, "They are right here." As he said this I look up and he was pointing to his bicep. It was then that me and Shelly burst into tears. Ill explain why. This fool was roughly in his mid 30s. He was short, drunk, and over weight. He had some ill fitting jeans and a shirt so small that it probably came from baby gap. Hardly a catch. So as you all can imagine his bicep was extreamly unimpressive. He also told me his formal girlfriend was a sports illastrated swimsuit model but he dumped here because she didnt bring much to the tabel. Yea fucking right you hopeless fool! Speaking of tabels, get the hell away from mine before I kill myself.
"The Girl Slapper"
This fucking clown is a raging dickhead. If I could kill someone with my mind, it would be him. One night me and Barb were out and about ordering drinks at the bar. We are engaging in conversation when this asshole comes to stand by me. I have no interest in anything that comes out of the moron's mouth. Clearly he is not intelligent, and I have better things to do. Also, I was smelling some horrible stench that I could only assume was him. He was foul and disgusting. Anyway, I suppose my obvious avoidance struck a nerve in this feeble minded fellow. The next thing I know I hear this loud "Hey" so I turn around. As I do this, his hand meets my face. Yea, that's right, I got fucking slapped! I didn't even speak to this dickhead, was he fucking serious? That random act of violence pissed me right off! So naturally I start ripping him a new asshole. Thankfully, there are some southern gentlemen that still exist in this world. After they caught wind of my unfortunate incident, The retard got his ass kicked. I hate fighting as much as the next girl, but this jack hole deserved it! Seriously, who does that shit? Oh yea, the girl slapper
The above are just a few unfortunate moments that were a complete waste of my life. Things like this actually happen to me. Its pathetic, sad, and completely disturbing. This shit has to go beyond the power of karma. I'm cursed. What the fuck!
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