Starbucks

Starbucks is indeed a necessity of mine. Its essential to my morning program and proves to be vital to my function as a semi-decent human being. I'm 25, and a woman so I'm already pre disposed to being a bitch.Give me a break! I'm entitled to my vices. When I started college I took a vow to eliminate caffeine from my life. It worked out fine since my life revolved around school, my stupid boyfriend, and alcohol. It wasn't until my last year of college that I began drinking coffee again. I was unfortunate to never be properly diagnosed with ADD. I had ZERO supply of adderal to get me through my all night study sesh. It was then, that my physical need for coffee began.
  My addiction to Starbucks is disgusting. I go everyday before work and after my weekend workouts. Its fucking sick. Fortunately, I'm not one of those pale, beret wearing rejects, that attend coffee shops and speak in haiku. No one knows what they are doing. Its weird. Get out in the sun, wear some color, and please dispose of your non functioning Harry Potter glasses. Its not chic, and you are not misunderstood. Anyway, I can safely say that I'm pretty dependent on this shit. When the hot, frothy goodness hits my lips I feel all warm and tingly inside. My morning is complete. Don't judge. Trust me I'm doing everyone a favor.
  Usually when i make my daily Starbucks run I prefer to go inside instead of the drive through. I'm obsessed with my weight, so I want to make sure these teenage jack holes don't load up my shit with whole milk and sugar stricken syrup. Gross! You know those that work in the drive through secretly add fat to our health conscious lattes. Those bastards are sick, and yes, you adolescent dickhead, I can taste the fat! Since I usually run inside to grab my coffee I have come across some interesting characters.
  My all time favorite Batista is Shannon. Shannon is one of those new-age, fancy lesbians who had this insatiable knowledge of over priced coffee. This chick knows her shit. As soon as I walk in she starts brewing away at my usual skinny vanilla latte. We always engage in some useless small talk, throw in a few witty quips, with the occasional high five. Every now and then Shannon will suprize me with some complicated concaution she invented. Always making sure that it is fat and sugar free. She is awesome! Also, she never charges me fifty cents extra for my triple shot of espresso. I dont really mind she has a lady crush on me, I use it to my advantage. Shannon Fucking rules.
  Next we have the infamous "Starbucks braces lady." those of you who follow me on f Facebook are probably aware of my unfortunate encounters with this creature. I cant stand this fucking retard. She always screws up my order and puts whipped cream and chocolate sauce in my drink. Bitch! I always have to have it remade. This sucks obviously because I have to look at her stupid face longer than I would like too. She always starts these random, creepy conversations that tarnish my soul. One incident with this nomad left me confused and pissed off. It was summer time and I switch from hot to iced lattes. I live in Texas and summers are insanely hot. Anyway, I turn my back for 1 minute, and this crazy woman has four whipped cream glazed drinks glaring me in the face. I nearly had a panic attack. I was like, what the fuck are you doing to me? This is NOT what I ordered. You have my weekly caloric intake haunting me on this counter. After I explained she was ridiculous and I refuse to drink her drinks, she finally made me the right one. She stated "oops" and carried on about her business. As I was escaping from this traumatic experience she stops me dead in my tracks. "Did you want to take these four other drinks with you? They are extra." You have got to be fucking kidding me! Hell no I don't want to drink that shit! Is this some sort of sick joke? Is god punishing me for hating her so much? I turned around, said NO, and ran out the door. She ruined my life. Dear Starbucks braces lady, Fuck You.
  Finally we have "Asian guy." Asian guy does not speak a valid word of e English. Whoever employed him should be shot in the face. Coffee talk can be complicated. Especially with all the fancy terms that are used to order a drink. Starbucks always gives the courtesy of repeating your order back to you. Asian guy is incapable of doing this task. I don't know what the fuck you just said, or if you understood me but I hope you make my drink correctly. What is the point of the repeat, if the employee is unable to do so?  I cant be rude, after all its not his fault he was born that way, or that some fucking moron decided to give him the job. News flash! Starbucks brewing is not an ideal "American Dream" scenario. What a fucking asshole his boss must be. In Asian guys defense, he only screwed up my drink one or two times. This was because I was distracted and couldn't point to the items he needed to use.
  Even though I am forced to put up with a large amount of ridiculous shit, I still need my daily Starbucks. My life would be intolerable without it.